today marks the last day of me being a SEC THREE.
doldrums.
time tickles.
and soon we're all ushered into 2006.
BIG BAD WOLF YEAR.
nevermind.

WHAT I WNA FOR THIS 2006

2006 marks the year where i'll be taking the BIG O.
scary it seems.
but everyone just say that its gonna be over soon.
i hope so too.
and it took marks the last year of me being in HIHS.
good it am.
but im abit reluctant to leave ESTHER. NAT.
im sure we'll still meet up.
(:

as the clock strikes twelve later.
i pray that i'll work hard for the rest of the days.
and nevertheless treasure each and every day i have.
i'll pray that peace be to the world.
everyone to be happy with their life.
i'll pray that the friendship i build up with my friends will stay firm and strong.
i'll pray for good results.


MY BELOVED PEEPOS.

POKE FAMILY
to the two dearest in my life.
NAT and JO.
its always a blessing i tell myself.
to have known u two.
(:
the two that never abandon me when im down.
cheer me up millions.
NAGGED me to see the doctor when im sick.
thanks a zillion honeys.
we may have drifted.
but i'll never forget the sweet memories we had.
I LOVE U TWO TONNS.

MY LIL SIS
ESTHER.
the swt and honey cutie.
lots of common stuffs between the two of us.
we can talk and talk never feeling tired.
the fun u gave me.
the outings we always have.
many many stuffs.
ups and downs u suffered.
it pains me.
no matter what happen.
i'll always be there for u.
the BIG SIS that u need.
LOVES U SWEETIE

GREEDY PARTNER
TELICIA.
the sweet honey girlfriend that never will give me up.
though being occupied.
u'll always find time out and just talk to me.
the smile.
the fun.
the craziness.
i must say my bday this year was sweet.
the cake.
the present.
THANKS SO MUCH for whatever u done for me.
i wont give myself up anymore.
cause i know u wont.
(:
WITH LOTS OF LOVE

BROTHER
XAVIER.
u've seen me grow i must say.
u've seen me smile.
seen me cry.
seen me being crazy.
seen me study hard.
that big brother that i look up to.
days was never bored and sad w/ u around.
u make me smile.!
words can never replace the no. of thank u i wna tell u.
THANKS BRO.

THE FULL OF THEORY GUY
YEOWTING.
ups and downs.
we argued.
we laughed.
we kept quiet.
im full of nonsense.
but u always never fails to tolerate them.
make me wake up from my "DREAM".
times and times.
i throw tantrum.
but u'll tolerate with them and tell me to stay happy.
TOO MANY THANK YOU that i need to say.
but still.
i wna say.
THANKS YOU and IM SORRY.
(:

THAT THREESOME GOOD GUY.
PUAYBOON. LIANGSHENG. DONAVAN
BOON ;
thanks so much for listening to me when i needed someone.
thanks for being that tree.
thanks for studying with me.
AND thank u for CRAPPING with ME.
(:
LIANGSHENG ;
shepherd.
there's too many thank u i wna tell u too.
always a phone call away.
no matter what.
u'll listen.
keep me company if i need someone in the night.
never fails to make me smile w/ ur rubbish.
THANK U SHEPHERD.!
(:
DONAVAN ;
keep me companied when i was down.
talk me out.
called me when the clock strucks twelve.
and wish me HAPPY BDAY.
it was so sudden that someone will call me.!
but its a wonderful memory.
and thanks for that TURTLE.
(:

MY DEARIE
CLARISSA.
thanks for listening to me when im so so so down.
HAHAS.
i just SIMPLY LOVE CLAR.
(:

MY BESTIE
CHUANLIAN.
we've brave through so many stuffs.
CRIES.
HURTS.
the shoulder i needed the most came from u.
u were there when granny left me.
THANKS SO MUCH.
and i'll treasure the piglet cause it means more than anything.
(:
LOVE U.

ROCKER
KRISS.
the sunshine in my life.
words wont meant how much u were to me.
(:
anw,
TAKE CARES of your WOUND.
and i'll still be buying ur MEALS for u.!

OTHERS
to the many people out there whom i know.
thanks for whatever u had done for me.
no matter how small it is.
u guys were never be forgotten.
(:
sorry that i didn't type out.
cause it'll take me ages if i were to do so.
lols.
u guys should know how slow i am.
:P

TAKE CARES and have a good 2006.
(:

blogged at 4:17 PM

rocker felled.
my heart ache when she told me.
it must have hurt a lot.
darn the school.
darn the teachers.
she had to go to polyclinic on her OWN.
i'll give rocker a hug on the first day of sch.
(:

here i am.
feeling breathless agains.
i dont know why.
heart's pumping fast.
it just felt as though im leavin.
mayb i'll have a early sleep later.
uncomfortable.

momsie banned me from training today.
instead.
she pulled me out to shop.
-.-"
never mind.
i had lots of stuffs for myself.

2006 is comin.
the A MATHS exam is coming.
terrible terrible.
):

--------------
restriction.
):
bing bang boom.
the music blasts.

blogged at 10:54 PM

drown myself with tears last night.
clar was bugged by someone on the phone.
shepherd couldn't talk to me.
so i drown myself w/ music and cried.
it feels so nice to sleep so soundly.

woke up w/ a "HOW GREAT" flu.
blahs blahs blahs.
tuition was postponed to tml.
im dreadin it now.
homework's not done.
whatever.

wont be able to go on the cousin outing.
BOOOS lahs.
whatever.

------------------
i saw u online.
and i went offline.
cause i didnt wna talk to you.
i have no idea why.
indulge in chocs.
u wont bother.

blogged at 10:49 PM

the road that i walked so far hasn't been all smooth.
whose's will.?
nobody.!

went training today.
had friendly with seniors.
OKAYS.
i was dying already during training.
i couldn't breathe due to the flu i had.
but i didn't wna disappoint maine.
so i tried to go back to training after some rest.
but i ended up getting breathless.
my oxygen level never seems to be filled.
and im grasping for air.
my throat hurt.
i thought jiao lian wouldn't be asking me to play when he knows im UNWELL.
but he did.
he made me play through second quarter when SUE fell sick.
i couldn't make it.
they were fast.
and i was grasping for air.

whatever.
im returnin to training on fri as promised.
clar objected.
she didn't want anything to happen to me.
but the time left aint even enough for us to train.
im still going do the training.
i know i may die.
but i wont know when i'll.
i contracted bronchitis two years ago.
if i didn't return to the doc.
i may have alrady contracted pnuemonia.
its seems like im dying so so soon lehs.

tht NS guy cont with his MSG.
one in the mornin.
one afte he finished work.
one after his dinner.
i replied the first one.
i ignored the rest.
pester pester.
im clearly showing no interest.
who cares.
i seems like her girlfrnd.
to whom he report whatever he's doing.
NEGATIVE.
im sorry to hve to treat him this way.
i didn't wna it too.
but things wont work.
and i would never start things im NOT confident in.

MY LIFE BEFORE 2006 seems a bit UGLY.

blogged at 9:05 PM

THT BIG TALL GUY.
WHOM WALK INTO MY LIFE.

this giant whom i always see in sch.
was this typical bad boy.
but he's a nice and cute somebody.
he changed.
for the sake of me.
he cheered me up whenever im down.
things moved fast.
very fast.
i worried for him when he got sick.
he too worried for me when i got sick.

10 FEB 04.
we got together.
i got sad when they lost the match.
i got sad when i argued with my girlfriends.
but he.
make me smile.
bring me to the beach and asked for my hands.

im probably not used to the new life i got.
friends shunned me.
they think im better alone w/ my big giant.
negative.
when i need them most they aint here.

12 FEB.
two days before valentines.
i choose to say good bye.
it didnt reach him from my mouth.
instead from others.
he called.
i hanged up on him.
i choose to hide.

he pestered me.
wanting me to get back with him.
the promise i made to him.
all broken.
i told him i'll not leave.
but i left.

he slit himself.
i didn't know.
i just kept rejecting him.
a few months later.
he got himself a girl.
he asked if i regret.

I SAID YES.

that tall big guy who brought joy to me for just three days.
he was the first.
and the last.

blogged at 6:23 PM

I CANT BELIEVE THAT IM LET WITH ONLY THIS WEEK.
AND THAT MARKS THE END OF THIS YEAR.?!

its so fast.
yars yars.
im starting to worry.
BIG FAT O's.
i dread it coming now.
contradictions.
i hope it'll end soon.
HAHAS.

im so tired.
i suddenly just wanna talk to somebody.
blahs blahs blahs.
but no one am here.
i wnt to pass esther her books.
BUT.
she cant talk to me.
i wnt to take my books from yeowting.
he's like he wna go home fast.

BOOS okays.?

i tried to make myself happy so i wont have to talk to peepos.
im getting tired.
i act sometimes.
to show that im happy.
but sometimes im not.

love has got no age gap.
but im simply just a lil girl as compared to him.
he's in NS.
im still studying for sec sch.
he completed his A LEVEL.
im still working hard for my O LEVEL.
its never gonna work.
but im advised to try things out.
it seems different like what i used to have.
i dread it whn he msg me.
i wnt "hur" all the time when i replied him.
try is what i always tell myself.
but i'll turn around and regret awhile later.
shoots lahs.
i aint in any mood to go on and search for some sweet doveys.

i just dont seem to wna move on to next year.
my BDAE FALLS ON THE FIRST DAY OF TERM 3.!
cries-
and it's getting closer to the O's.
will someone study with me everyday.?

----------------

i told myself.
" NG HUISHAN.! u better move on hors. there's like so many good guys still available out there. dont go and think about the past. move on. im sure there's always a guy u'll meet."
but.
i cant seems to.
its like this devil and angel thing peepos always see on the tv.
I HAVE TO TRY.
TRY JUST TRY PLEASE.
IM HYPNOTIZIN MYSELF.

blogged at 5:46 PM

usual sunday.
nothin too special about it.

went uncle's place yst for gathering.
talk w/ cousin.
gosh.
she and her guy is like goin 1 yr 1 month.
okays.
she's just simply going GAGA over her guy.
lols.
cant upload the photos.
dont know why too.
wahahas.

okays okays.
recieve tonns of msg throughout the whole night. its like 2 AM. 6 AM.
and so on.!
lols.
dont they slp.?
lols.
okays okays.

MERRY CHRISTMAS !

blogged at 1:07 PM

the story ended as predicted.
he was all well and they got together.
once again.
he was her sun.
the clouds cleared.
yahs yahs.

but i cried.
whn i read about the grandmother part.
i thought about granny.
silly me.
but i just couldn't control the tears.
sometimes i just dont understand.
why does granny have to leave whn im starting to communicate better w/ her.?
sometimes thats wht i think.
silly okays.
but every night whn i closed my eyes.
i saw granny in the hospt.
full of tubes and all.
it all just ache.

well.
whats over is over already.
so no more dwelling about it.
(:

i've learn to move on.
to let go.
to treasure life.

i'll find a good guy whn i go poly.
thats what i told LIL SIS.
lols.
good guys still exist as i believe.

CHRISTMAS is coming.
the mood is all over in orchard.
BUTS.
i dont like crowds ehs.
lols.

wnt to watch kingkong today.
i almost froze myself inside the theatre.
and im wearing a jacket too.
i just dont understand why the guys dont feel cold at all.
maybe he's just lying to me when i asked him.
lols.
cia and i was like COLD COLD.
kingkong died for the girl.
and i got frightened by some scenes.
that i almost hide behind my bag.

-----------------------
to let go and go in search for something else.
it'll never turn back.
neither will it look back.
i chose to move forward.
get on with life.
as i believe the better stuffs always lies ahead.
to search for someone is never difficult.
it all lies in the word.
F A T E.

blogged at 10:43 PM

bro's back home.
BLACKED.
and a little thinner.
blahs blahs blahs.
at least its NOSIER at home now.

went to sentosa w/ clar dearie today.
one moment it was scorching hot.
next moment the sun was playing hide and seek w/ us.
dumbs.
and it the end.
it RAINED.
well, to be exact im just that tiny winy little darker.
LOLS.
but never mind.

me and clar dearie. (:

okays.
im reading another story now.
angel and human.
wows.
okays okays.

the moment i choose to help u.
i've already decided not to give up on you.
for i know u're a strong girl.

blogged at 10:29 PM

blahs.
i think im better w/ sticking to gel then.!
dumbsie.
the items i brought today were a totaly failure.
wahahas.
it wont work.

AND.
i still hadn't get to watch KINGKONG.
i thought cia might be intrested to watch it.
but she told me they're all waiting for someone to return.
so they can watch it together.
and now im waiting w/ them too.
wahahas.
KINGKONG must wait for me.!

homecoming today was BORED to death.
wnt plaza sing w/ cia after that.
bought stuffs.
CHRISTMAS is coming.
yups.

im still short of stuffs.

when one day im gonna die, i'll do whatever to make u happy.
i'll always be your sunshine, while u the flower that blossom.
i felt like im leaving soon.

blogged at 11:43 PM

i LOVE CHUANLIAN SO MUCH.!
oh mans.
she's SO GREAT lahs.!
i'll explain some time later.
the story is so so so so SWEET.

ESTHER.!
PLS MSG ME WHEN U SEE THIS.

----------------------

words wont say how much that story means.
i still could remember everything u told me.
to thnk ahead.
to be positive.
yet time and times.
i kept going back the other way.
only to tell u sorry in the end.
i regret.
but its of no use.
once.
u didn't know what to do w/ me anymre.
and i gave myself up.
but u didn't.
u stick around and told me to go on.
but it lead to arguements.
IM SORRY.
but im thankful for whatever u had done for me.
THANKS a MILLION.

i doubt u'll see this.
hahas.

blogged at 9:19 PM

i think im a PUPET.
momsie tells me to wear this and i'll.
momsie tells me to do that i'll.
its seems like im a pupet.
i do whatever momsie says.
well, its being GUAI.
but think agains.
why am i not acting like im suppose to like my age group.?
im wearing clothes that makes me look mature.

when im out shopping.
momsie dislike what i like.
and i'll have to like what she likes.
its abit unfiar though.
but i'll bear w/ it.
i dont have a minis like everyone do.
im not rich lik everyone is.
i dont have a weekly or monthly amount of money.
$5 / day.
skipping meals has become a way to save money to buy stuffs i wna.
i wont buy things that i like at first sight.
i'll wait and save.
by then the stuffs are already gone.
momsie loves buying LONg SKIRT for me.
and so i ALWAYS look more mature than others do.
but i wonder.
will i be able to look like a FIFTEEN YR OLD.?

i hate it whn peepos say im a POLY/JC student.
no im not.!
even relatives ask whether im one whn i see them during CNY.
negative.

i just wna be myself.
and not what u wna me to be.

blogged at 11:41 PM

lots of things have been changing.
yahs.
LOTS.
people.
studies.
attitude.
yars whatever lahs.

why is everyone on HOLIDAY.?
as in OVERSEAS.?
dumbsie dumbsie.
i'll go.
NXT YR AFTER MY O's.!
irritating freakies.

wnt studying w/ girlfrnd today.
i SLACKED and WHINED.
craps.
i totally dont know how to do tuition homework.
and tuition has been PUSHED FORWARD to TUES.!
save me.
i told girlfrnd.
I NEED A GUY THAT KNOWS A MATHS VERY WELL.
AND THAT HE CAN TEACH ME.!
hahs.
thn girlfrnd says.
"u two will be talking A MATHS evryday.!
LOGS. SURDS. INDICES. HAHAHS."
thats my girlfrnd.

i YEARININ for KINGKONG.
no no.
not what buddy and the rest say.
ITS NOT CLAR.
but im so packed nt week.

MON
bball training.
outsie w/ girlfrnd to sentosa

TUES
homecoming in sch.
tuition in the night.
I CANT PLAY MY NET BALL THAT DAY.!!

WED
bball training.

THURS
fetch bro back home.

FRI
bball training.

see.!
weekdays are all packed.!
grumps.!
i wna watch KING KONG.
and i need someone to teach me A MATHS before tutor KILLS me.!

blogged at 9:07 PM

okays.
its better not to ignore this poor blog.
BORED.

wnt chalet.
wnt shopping.

thts my past two days.
anw,
gotta fly off formy show alrdy.
its the last episode.!

till then.
i kind HATE FLU NOW.!

blogged at 10:01 PM

everything's pretty okays already.
im fine.
so greedy partner dont have to worry that much alrdy.
i rmb in the past i said i've grown much better.
- shake heads -
now then i realise i was just trying to lie to myself in the past.
its DEFINITELY better now.

yes.
the downs are here.
but.
im not gonna be unhappy just because of it.
so what if everyone in the world think that its my fault.
i know im innocent will do.
most importantly.
i believe in myself.

in the past i use to think thatt i cant accomplish this and that.
RUBBISH.
can jiu shi can le lahs.
no such word as cant.
so now.
im gonna say the same for my A MATHS qualifying exam.
I CAN DO IT.
(:

hahas.
told buddy ystd to smile more.
and he says im CRAZY.
no im not.
smiling is so fun.
u'll be happy what.
then the peepos around u will smile too.

how fast the days has past.
bro is coming back soon.
and by then momsie would be bringin him to eat this and that.
slurp slurp-
im in for good treats.

chalet's coming up.
decided to go only on the bbq day.
gonna charge the cam batt.
i dont wna a dead batt on tht day.

till then.
SMILES :)

blogged at 5:13 PM

everything will start from scratch.
wee hees.
prty lil sis knows.

im glad and happy.
study study study.
im reading the textbook agains and agains.
(:

momsie asked if i wna go to LIBOX TUITION CENTRE.
hrms.
im kinda afraid of group tuition.
the teachers will pinpoint on u and all.
makes u pressurize and all.
im AFRAID lahs.

TO ESTHER MY LIL SIS ;
im glad to have u by my side.
so often that i find it hard to go on.
i find it that i cant handle things anymore.
but u.!
yes u.
were the one that supports me.
respect my decision.
when im sad.
u'll make sure i smile.
when im ill.
u'll make sure i rest.

THANKS SO MUCH PRTY.
I LOVE U LOADS.
TONNS.
(:

blogged at 3:45 PM

just like any other sat.
my sat was spend pretty NORMAL.

went to uncle's place.
busy in the kitchen.
thats my first time i ever help on GATHERIN okays.?
hahs.
im spoilt.

anw.
was thinking ystd.
should hire a tutor for me already.
ONE TO ONE.
and i'll clear my A MATHS DOUBT TOO.
mayb she can teach me CHEM.?
HAHAS.

im getting worried about next yr already.
whts gonna be in place for US.
worry worry.
HAHS.

can anyone introduce a good tutor.?
charges are cheap too.
as u know.
im NOT RICH.
pls help.
(:
thnks a dozen.

blogged at 11:15 PM

momsie barred me from going out w/ girlfrnd tml.
im so sorry GIRLFRND.
i'll go outsie w/ u SOON.

struck with FLU BUG agains.
the weather changes.
its like this.
HAHAHS.

was SUPPOSE to go to beach today.
BUT.
someone BACKED OFF.
yaddahs yaddahs.
would i have make u go in the afternoon whn there's so many peepos.
thts why i said in the mornin.
nvm.

im happy.
i dont know why.
im jus SMILING.
hahs.

tht star shine.
(:

blogged at 9:36 PM

financially BROKE.
hahas.
i meant our chalet.
hello.?
pls pls pls rmb to pay if u've not.
we still owe ms chew 125 dollars.
(:

its high time to remind peepos abt the chalet.
they probably have forgotten about it i guess.
pretty worried bout the food.
no money = no food.
no food = no BBQ.
BOO BANG BOOM.

bro's in ARMY alrdy.
its abit strange to be back to the threesome agains.
and NOW.
i wont know if there's any nice FOOTBALL MATCH ARSENAL is playing.
i wna watch fabregas.
HANDSOME.
(:
momsie is startin to miss tht ah boy in our family.
NO NO NO.
he's no longer a boy after taking the OATH today.
now i know thrs always HANDSOME in TEKONG.
hahs.
blahs blahs blahs.
bro's gna call home later.
and im sure momsie will tell him lots lots agains.
he seem sad whn we left.
shd have walked slowly and hugged him before he wnt in.
thts wht momsie said.
im fine w/ it.
afterall.
he's gonna be home in TWO WEEKS time.

i have to be LESS LAZY NOW.
STUDY.
CLEAN MY ROOM.
USE THE COMP LESSER.
JUST BE LESS LAZY AND THTS RIGHTS.

i was in PULAU TEKONG FOR THE WHOLE MORNING.
(:

blogged at 8:16 PM

i had to keep changing the tag board.
spoiled and thts why.
how dumb can it be.

bro's leaving for ARMY on tml.
hw cool.
thn he'll come back in three weeks time.
lookin SLIMMER.
im so naughty.

good food for these week.
no wonder i seem heavier already.
anw.
playing ball on tues.
3pm at PL.
please be punctual.
yipee.
but square wont be around in s'pore.
she'll be in HONGKONG.
BOOOS.

im getting fair now.
someone.?
date me out for tanning will u.?
oh yeahs.
chalet is coming up.
14. 15. 16 dec.
pls pay up on the day itself if u have not done so.
to TOK YAN RU.
BBQ is on the 15 dec.

momsie taught me how to marinate the chicken wings.
so im the one marinating them.
and we need to buy halal chicken wings.
yups.

i still hadn't studied at all.
and momsie's turning crazy.
i only feel like studying when its super late in the night.
during the day.
i just wna play.
whts wrong w/ me.?
anw.
is there a movie called "oliver twist".?
are the dvds out.?
someone.
ans me pls.~

there wasn't anything to blog at all.
no events.
NOTHING.
im awating for chalet.
and after tht.
it'll be training.
will there be a team.?!
dont think so~

blogged at 4:46 PM

outsie w/ bro and tht usual bunch today.
fun fun.
GAMEBOY.
blahs.
now i know wht peepos do when their O's are over.
hahs.

didn't manage to take a decent photo.
we were fooling around.
lols.
my SUNSHINE.
(:

i look fatter.
i think i've grown fatter too.!
time to play ball.!
anyone.?
busy week agains.
only available on fri.
but i wna go tannin lehs.!
hw.?

shoot shoots.

FAT FAT SHAN.
HAHAhHAS.

anw.
im the only one tht will ever have this skin.
(:
proud is me.
I LOVE ROCKER KRISS.!

blogged at 8:49 PM

ystd was drastic.
shalln't elaborate on it.
i'll be good and not skip my meals anymre.
its alrdy DEC.
hw fast.
everything seems to fly past at the blink of our eyes.
shall start doing sums already.
enough of sleeping all day round.

gonna get out tml w/ bro and tht usual bunch.
(:
im delighted.
seoul garden.
yars yars.
i've been wanting to eat it for long.
im so bad.
hahs.
photos thats for sure.
(:

kriss' making a blog skin for me nw.
the picture is just so gorgeous.
very elegant kind of stuff.
just love it so much.
(:

i shd start dating peepos out to study.
is it abit late to prepare for the A MATHS adminstration exam nt yr.?
who cares.
i shall just start studying for it.
i wna take A MATHS nxt yr.!!
LIL SIS says she's always behind me.
im glad.
(:
always a sweetie pie to me.

everything will soon be over.
dont think about it anymore.
just have a good slp.
and tml will be just fine.
w/ loves.

blogged at 3:14 PM

concert last night was a blast.
awesome is all i can say.
i felt a twitch in my heart when i heard some songs.
yars yars.
but the flower we promised didn't reached her hands.
sorry chuanlian.!
i promise u for another surprise NXT YR. (:
no no.
its not for the concert.
anyway u wont be performing already.
so its SOMETHING ELSE.

i tried to be happy.
but that happiness lasted just for that few minutes.
how short.
when concert ended.
i dreaded the time to pass so fast.
how i wish we will all walk slowly instead.
i dont wanna get home.
it seems that the blames i get is never gonna end.
im sick and tired of everythin.
i told cia.
how nice it would be if i can stay by the riverside.
there's nothing but sounds of quietness.

when im home.
i dont get anything.
i kept quiet when they scolded me.
and when i do that.
they say i've no respect for them.
and when i answer them.
the say im being RUDE.
so what do they want me to do.
i LOOK FORWARD to chalet.
i hang around with friends.
and i get laughter joy.
i was smiling when im w/ my friends.
their actions.
words.
all seem so entertaining.
but when im home.
i shut myself up.
facing that cold four walls in my room.

i dont know what to do at all.
yeowting asked me to watch oliver twist.
i dont know why.
but im so not interested in anything now.
im feeling so drained.
why cant it rain.
so that i could walk in it.?

does being the youngest in the family have to be blame for everything.?
does being good is the same as being bad.?
i dont slit myself.
that wont do me any good.
or i do is SLP CRY.
neither do i eat.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

blogged at 1:54 PM

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ngHUISHAN
26 JUNE '90
sweet SEVENTEEN
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