♥ shan's.

Friday, March 31, 2006

the one who love me the most.
I MISS HER.
i DO.

blogged at 9:55 PM

today is the last day of march.
am having lots of things running in my mind now.
BUT.
i shall not think too much just in case my migraine comes and kills me.

is it just too much to ask for a little more love and concern.?
yes.
i am just a nobdy.
but i am a normal girl.
just that average girl u see everywhere.
i thought i would be better after all the things.
but i clearly wasn't gonna be.
who's gonna clear up those scars on me.
it wont be those we left it there on me.
its just me.
to fend for myself and let the scars heal.

i need a hug badly now.
i really do.
i miss esther badly now.
i miss my two girlfriends badly now.
i miss irah most.

went to buy herbal tea for esther after school.
had fogotten to do so ystd.
she msged me and told me she's touched.
that silly sis.
she's afraid of diabetes.
cause it was all too sweet.

i dont wanna go through everything again.
round and round.
its all leaving scars on me.
chuanlian says i need to open up.
but how to.?
i kept getting hurt.
it all aint getting too well.

something ridiculous happened when we were eating in Pizza Hut.
the straw poke my ear when i was eating.
but i told chuanlian.
"the straw kept poking my er zi"
in english.
it meant SON.
and we ended up laughin madly.
clar says my face turn all red from the laughin.
but she wasn't laughin.
chuanlian says its because only me and her knew what was going on.
yeahs.

DONT YOU MESSS AROUND WITH ME_

blogged at 8:54 PM

Sunday, March 26, 2006

PASS ME MY CHOC

i'll study tomorrow.
i really will.
i need to go to compass point on tomorrow.
to return my books.
and to eat yoshinoya.
if not famous amos will do too.
i'm craving for apple pie and chocolate now.
what to do.?
its late now.
10 pm.
and the shops are already closed.
wait till tomorrow.
i'm gonna get my choc.
and mabe my apple pie.
(:

things aint always smooth sailing.
i may seem to be crazy.
but i may be bleeding inside.
i'm not that strong as you thought i am.
i'm just a normal girl.
that very normal girl u see everywhere on the streets.
environment does no help.
all i recieve was pressure.
u wont realise u actually gave me so much stress.
cause it did it unknowingly.
i'm a frail skeleton.
who may collaspe one day.
one fine day.
i'll just collaspe.

DONT YOU MESS AROUND WITH ME_

blogged at 9:50 PM

Saturday, March 25, 2006

LAZY BUM

the sky was dark.
filled with heavy clouds.
and i wasn't myself.
standing next to the window.
i stared blankly at the open space.
nothing was worth thinkin for.
all i need is some good souls.
to bring me out from this place.
pressure flows in my blood.
i'm not normal like everyone else is.
the dark past.
often filled with tears.
the regretful moment.
which left me hurt.
i lost the battle to continue striving for the better.
just so drain.
just so tired.

----------------------
250306
became a lazy bum today.
didn't go to service w/ xuanming.
didn't go for training at PL CC.
didn't watch the match in the morning in school.
i was all along at home.
watched the women double table tennis finals.
one gold one silver.
watched the encore telecast of the women singles.
seem so easy to get to game point.
wahahas.
whatever.
i procrastinated today.

DONT U MESS AROUND WITH ME_

blogged at 7:54 PM

Friday, March 24, 2006

will someone invent some antidote or something for splitting headaches.?
having an unbearable headache now.
nope.
today's one is not migraine.
i didn't have any visual disturbance.
must be the sun today.

packed with remedials and cca everyday.
the only day to slack around is mon.
had to attend the chinese remedial.
i didn't do well as expected.
had to go back for cca.
i'm lazy to find another new cca.
cca's terminating in a month's time.
bear with it.

went off home earlier on wed.
was having migraine during social studies lesson.
went to see a doc.
and doc told me to look out for new syptoms.
fearing it might be brain cancer.
yaddahs yaddahs.

could plunging down ease the pain now.?
someone answer me.
the painkiller i took is not helping me at all.

BANG BANG.
I DIED.

blogged at 8:48 PM

Sunday, March 19, 2006

today marks the last day of our holiday.
tomorrow marks the start of great pressure.

i'm worried.
for fear that i may not be able to handle the stress.
BUT.
i can do it right.?
with faith and hope.
nothing would be that difficult for me.
(:

and so.
i wouldn't be coming online as much as i did for this week.
SERIOUS TIME TO START STUDYING.
chuanlian told me chinese remedial is starting.
REALLY.?
but mr tan didn't even tell us who needs to go.
but i wanna attend the remedial.

MY O's ARE COMING...

sign off.

blogged at 7:04 PM

Saturday, March 18, 2006

just some random thoughts.

i used to have the comfort which everyone have.
free from everything.
being protected and all.
but i lived in this dream.
that is far from reality.
cuts and torns.
i tumble and i fall.
many times.
i tried to make myself learn through the hard way.
but now.
there's any easy way out.

to let go of the past.
in my nick.
it wrote.
BUTTFRIEND. the future where the past matters no more.
yeaps.
thats just gonna be it.
and for nich.
i saw what u wrote.
no point thinking.
u were always telling people not to think.
and there u're thinking so much.
rmb what u told me when i said i wasn't a good sis of xavier.?
u said its alrights and bro wont mind.
same goes.
u're two sis wont mind that much either.

they may be just like me.
keepin stuffs to myself instead of telling bro.
aint it true.?
there's so many stuffs i've yet to tell bro.
so many words.
but so little time.

dear fairy angel.
i wna have grant for more time.
PLS.

the SUNSHINE that brights my day VERY MUCH.
. xavier
. munirah
. esther
. nicholas
. yeowting
. telicia
. josephine
. puay boon
. junjie
. natalie
. chunfu
. chuanlian
. lynn
. stepfanie
. fusheng
. jeramy
. huimin

MY SUNSHINES [[:
.

blogged at 10:35 PM

this sat was awfully spent.
bored me out totally.
woke up EARLY.
its totally difficult for me to wake up early on weekends.
bathed.
iron my uniform.
and off to school.
BORING.

went to compass for some serious work.
then to PS.
then to headquarter @ youth park.
it seems like the whole nation was filled w/ students selling flag for FFTH and SAC.
orchard road was jam packed with students.
i saw some.
like deyi sec.
admiralty sec.
st nichs.

slacked at long john for a slight high tea.
salsa cheese fries.
YUMMY.
today seems like a food fiesta day for me and chuanlian.
we ate throughout the selling.
long john. breadtalk.
flag selling ended at 4.30pm.
FINALLY.

went back to hougang.
finally.
somewhere we're familiar w/.
ate BBQ STINGRAY for dinner.
slurps.
food fiesta huh.
hahs.

came home.
all shag now.
im gna bathe agains.
i feel so sticky.

SIGN OUT.

-------------------
it wasn't easy.
but its worth the try.
woody wood.
BLAHS.

LOW JUNJIE SERIOUSLY NEED A NAG.
HAHS.

blogged at 9:50 PM

Friday, March 17, 2006

FRIDAY
see the word.
its FRIDAY. (:
but hols are ending.
mug and mug agains.
too bad.
THIS IS SEC FOUR.
regretting.?
dont be dumb.

played ball today.
we've become so slack.
hot weather.
should have played later.
uh huh.
red.
tired.

flag day tml.
ORCHARD ROAD.!!!
never...........

suddenly.
life seems so fragile to me.
very.
i couldn't think much anymore.
im not suppose to.
and i cant.
if i have to die.
this life shall be the most meaningful one.

blogged at 9:42 PM

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

everythin was fine until the blur vision came.
yeaps yeaps.
signs of headache showing now.
read the papers the other time.
and it says this is migraine.
HELLOS.
im so young and i cant possibly be down with migraine rights.?
i better stop frightening myself.

i wanted to watch dorm on fri.
but.
hmm.
having other plans in mind.
i need to go compass tml to print something.
anyone that doesn't mind goin w/ me.?

i think i handed in my e maths homework already.
but have i really handed in.?
u think. u thought. who confirm.?
thats what my bro said.
army lang.
-.-

this should be the 3rd day.
refrain.
and im about to succeed.
im sorry to have to do this.
u still wna be that good friend of mine.
but heys.
let time heal all the wound in me.
starting afresh.

-----------------------------
as i sat on the bus.
reflecting on the past.
a sudden urge rushed into my brain.
upset.
this aint the end.
this is just the start.
no longer yearning for that shoulder.
no longer yearning for those care.
no longer yearning to see u.

LYNNIIE ME AND ENX ALWAYS SAY THIS IN THE PAST.
SINGLE ROCKS.

it still stands for me. (:

blogged at 6:36 PM

Monday, March 13, 2006

out the whole day.
and tada.
BLISTER.
huo gai.
worn the wrong shoes at the wrong time.
hahahas.

went to meet girlfrien at YCK station.
the down to town.
nothing's changed much.
bought pencil case for dad.
lunch @ long john.
walked from cathay to heeren.
then to fast east.
and back to taka.

greedy partner called.
time for movie.
walked girlfriend to the outside of cathay before parting.
she refused to allow me to send her to the station.
went off to meet partner. haoyee and xuanming.
FD3
shocks here and there.
but that show's funny lahs.
HAHAHS.
i felt sad instead of SCARED.
the guy died of course.

thats the end of my day.
ball on fri.
thats what the girls say.
uh huh.

blogged at 9:24 PM

Sunday, March 12, 2006

hmmm.
read finish another story online.
its called FOLLOW ME.
the ending was predictable.
yups.
but the author's gonna have another book real soon.!
(:

day out with girlfriend tomrrow.
THE I LOVE.
town town town.

gna meet up with alan on tues.
to have his bday celebrated.
well hmm.
its a BELATED one though.
i didn't attend his bbq on his bday.
sorry lahs.

e maths remedial on wed.
study study and study.

history test on thurs.
SBQ.
CHINA CIVIL WAR.
after that will be EL remedial.
ahahahs.
its gna be interesting.

flag day on sat.
BORING.

--------------------
to stop talkin to u.
to stop msging u.
to stop depending on u.
to stop thinkin of u.
i hope it all helps.
i'm sinking too deeply in the past.
its time to get some stuffs done.
i miss the past where i was showered with care and concern.

blogged at 8:23 PM

Saturday, March 11, 2006

hair cut.
thinner.
studied.
dinner @ uncle's place.
noisy like mad.

sink deeper and im going crazy.
get me outta here.

HAPPY BDAY ALAN. (:

blogged at 11:42 PM

Friday, March 10, 2006

nobody said it was goin to be easy.
i tried.
i really tried this time.
u were the reason agains.
not that im not tryin.
its the other party.
if this is life.
i rather not have any.

to cry is easy.
browse through dearie blog.
i almost drop that tear.
uh huh.
it aint u that i think of.

i tried askin myself last night.
who were u think of just now.
HIM.
who were u thinkin of now.
HIM.

too ass up.
its never gna be true.
someone.
WAKE ME UP.

blogged at 11:29 PM

mixed feelins.
i ant well to be exact.
i dont wna always be like this.
im sorry.
the headaches crazy.
migraine.
whatever ways u spell it.
its so crazy.

i wna sleep early.

remedial till 6.20 ystd.
NUTS.
but heys.
i finally know how to find mass or volume of moles.
great achievement yeahs.
ahahs.
rubbish lahs.

PTM today.
tan BT has nothing to say about me.
hmm.
she's in this sch for less than 4 months.
so obviously she dont have anything to say.
hmm.
EL grades are so idiotic.
no one knows how to improve them either.
ah woo asked me to do the distinction O level.
ALL.
she must be mad.

fine.
i aint thinkin normally now.
SIGNS OFF.

blogged at 10:22 PM

Sunday, March 05, 2006

momsie came home.
scream at me.
out of no reason.
i sat there.
eating my KFC feeling sad.
why am i always her venting machine.?
WHY.?
she asked daddy to fetch her to great grandma's place so she can pass the herbal tea to grandma.
but daddy had to go for his part time job.
and so he couldn't.
momsie debated saying just drop her and he can leave.
sometimes.
i really wish im just not around.
to hear all those nonsense.
to be strong.
i told myself not to cry.

yes.
i am lazy.
i slept till 11 on weekends.
but cant i just pamper myself for 2 days when i've to wake up early on weekday.?
i thought of walkin out just now.
but realise.
i dont have any place to go anymore.
i need to be independent.
the feelin that i dont like.
it all hurts.

ups and down.
happy and unhappy.
i loathe it.
pls hold my hands and walk me through.

blogged at 2:43 PM

Saturday, March 04, 2006

11 hours of sleep.
woke up and im STILL THINKIN.
its totally crazy i must say.
blame it there's no homework for me to think about.
projs are all done.
tests are all gone.
crap.
cant they leave something for me to worry about.
nahs.
i forget there's still a mock exam paper 1.
fine then.

i thought about it.
mayb.
i should get it all clear.
mayb.
u're afraid of hurting me by getting too close with me.
well, in that case.
lets drift then.
i thought of telling u.
and then im better of by hittin the books.
aint that good.?
im in a dilemma agains.
sis says just concentrate on studies.
i too wish too.
but it haunts me down.
i guess yes.
the fact that i dont have anyone beside me to share with.
makes me think bout him.
yes.
dumb ass.
where's lynniie.?
what will happen after that.?
will we still be friends.?
or would we forgo everything.?
or worst still.
we would avoid each other.?
being too rash is my forte.
im trying to control it.

just shut those thinkin.
i beg u.

blogged at 3:21 PM

changed e-mail add.
its now.
therainlover.hs@hotmail.com
another packed week.
test and test.
its so tiring and irritating.
i totally flunked all the test this week.
i was so tired for this whole week.
stress out and drained out.
told myself to wake up and study.
but i did wake up.
and end up sleeping agains.
dumb lahs.

mock chinese exam ystd.
horrid lahs.!
all the passage came from the workbook.
what a joke.
and yet i find it so diffiult.
paper 1 is on coming tues.
i felt so drained agains.
inspirations running away from me.
where have all the motivation gone till.?
where.?

i wish im cleverer.
i wish im more motiveated.
i wish im super girl.
what a dream lahs.

it doens't matters anymore.
im drained.
im tired.
if we're meant to drift away.
then lets be it.
i dont wna be sinkin too deeply.
i dont wna be hurt anymore.
i WONT CONFESS.

blogged at 12:37 AM